"How to be a Fan" Satire

TVB Interaction introduces the latest installment in its collection of satirical guides!  This time, I will teach you how to be a fan.  Being a hardcore fan can be a lot of hard work, but with this "how to" guide, doing so will be easier than ever!

1. Be hypersensitive.
People joke, people mock, and people criticize.  No matter what people say about your idol, take it to heart.  No matter what the person's tone or intention is, take everything they say or write seriously.

2. Put down and criticize other people's idols.
You're not a true fan unless you openly hate on other people's idols.  Let them know whose idol is better! If you are a hardcore fan, spend time editing other people's idols wiki pages and badmouth them.

3. Blindly love all of their work.
An idol is bound to have their great projects, less than amazing projects, and projects that are just plain terrible.  No matter what, love everything they do.  Not liking anything they do makes you a disgrace of a fan.

4. Brag about your idol regularly on forums.
Once again, let them know whose idol is better!  Praise, compliment, and glorify your idol to your heart's content, whether it's on their own thread, someone else's thread, or a thread about a series he or she is not in.

5. Hate whoever your idol starts to date, no matter how happy they or with them because that means you can't be with them.  As if that were possible.
One of the key things about being a fan is wanting their idol to be alone forever.  If your idol does start to date someone, openly talk about how much you hate that person.  If you can't be with them, no one else should be able to.  Your idol's happiness doesn't matter to you, as long as you get to sleep knowing your idol isn't in someone else's arms.

Follow these five steps, and you will be a true fan!  Your idol will be so proud!

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Comments: This is just a short satire I wrote since I haven't written one so long and was inspired.

It's funny how some people classify being a fan as.  The above is how some fans act.  I don't mind those fan girls who spazz and get excited over their idol.  While I usually don't act that way and find them a bit silly at times, I overall don't mind them and find them kind of cute.  However, there are fans who get way too worked up over their idol.

I've been spending less and less time reading and commenting on sites like JayneStars.  Some fans get offended too easily, yet they can be very vicious as well.  For example, you have your Kate haters who will take every opportunity to put her down and your Ron fans.  While I understand Ron fans increasing anger at the small roles he's been receiving lately, they're still a bit too much.  When Ruco emerged as the lead over Ron in "ATF", Ron fans attacked Ruco fans saying it wasn't fair, even though it wasn't his fault.  The most ridiculous thing I've seen is some girls saying things like "She is so ugly" and "She should go die" about their idol's girlfriends.  Seriously?

 I hope people don't go rabid on me for writing this.  My loyal readers should enjoy this satire.  I haven't written one in probably two years.

Best Supporting Actor Satire

*Originally written on December 2, 2009*

If you guys remember, I had written a satire from the nominees of Best Actor and Best Actress for the TVB 42nd Anniversary Awards. I had initially planned to do so for the rest of the nominees too. I had no witty lines or anything to come up with as well as no time. In the end, the continuation of the satire never happened. However, while I was looking through my unfinished drafts today, I noticed this one. I then remembered I had managed to finish the satire for Best Supporting Actor. Though I have no wish to finish it as the timing's way off, I thought I'd at least release this 'never before seen' satire...

Done with the leads, now it's to the supporting...


Best Supporting Actor


Executive #1: If it weren't for Laughing Gor, we would've been stuck in a rut this whole year. Not to mention, we would've never been able to score good ratings. TVB is so giving him this award. Why don't they just rename it The Laughing Gor Award so we don't have to come up with 14 other nominations?
Executive #2: If only our jobs were so easy. Long live Laughing Gor though! He is the TVB God of 2009!
Executive #1: You are so weird sometimes.
Executive #2: But aren't I right? Michael Tse's Laughing Gor was the first positive thing to happen to the entertainment industry this year! All the gossips and ridiculous scandals were getting so annoying..
Executive #1: Agreed. Ok, nominate Ngok Wah and Kenny Wong from The Gem Of Life. I don't care if the series was a failure, we spent too much time on that production to let those darn artistes go to waste.
Executive #2: I know, I don't plan on wasting so much time on a production anymore. Isn't it great how life has so many 'shortcuts'?
Executive #1: It is and it's obvious the rest of TVB thinks so!
Executive #1: It doesn't matter how big a failure The Gem of Life was, we spent too much time putting the big cast together to let them go to waste. Nominate Ngok Wah and Kenny Wong.
Executive #2: Oh, darn! We forgot to nominate Raymond Wong for his performance in Sweetness in the Salt in Best Actor!
Executive #1: You forgot, but I didn't. I just didn't bring it up. You know, Raymond isn't exactly one of the actors we wish to promote. Raymond Wong at least, Raymond Lam yes.
Executive #2: Well then, might as well nominate him here. Oh, never forget our unexpected success Rosy Business. Ngo Ka Nin definitely deserves a nomination.
Executive #1: *sighs* I guess TVB's diabolical plan to give Ngo Ka Nin kelefe and minor supporting roles forever failed. With such a great critical reaction from the audience of his performance we'll be fried if we don't promote him now.
Executive #2: Nothing is guaranteed in life.
Executive #1: Gee, those are the deepest and most intelligent words I've ever heard you utter.
Executive #2: Hey, I know I can be rather clueless sometimes but at least I'm impartial! Unlike you who is willing up to kiss up to TVB by going by their silly biased ways!
Executive #1: Me a kiss up?! *starts to lose temper* Ok, nevermind. How about Ron? He was in Rosy Business too.
Executive #2: Pff. What happened to your little 'they're one of our top siu sangs and it'll be embarrassing if we put them in the supporting category' theory?
Executive #1: I'm taking revenge for TVB. If you noticed, we didn't nominate Ron's performance in E.U. for Best Actor despite the fact he's obviously improved. Haven't you noticed he's been filming mainland series these days? He's barely filming with us now!
Executive #2: Looks like Sammul Chan's been spending too much time with him during filming. The Mr. I Have No Contract With TVB is having an influence on him.
Executive #1: Argh, Sammul!
Executive #2: The boy's pretty smart. If I was an actor I'd probably go work in the mainland too, they pay so much better and he actually gets lead roles there.
Executive #1: Oh, shut up! Ok, now just go through all the supporting actors from the series this year: Tsui Wing, Stephen Au, Evergreen Mak, and Dominic Lam.
Executive #2: Don't forget about Derek Kwok!
Executive #1: Oh yes. Poor guy's been working his butt off for so long and all he gets is a nomination. Like he'll ever win. *evil laugh*
Executive #2: And you think I have problems. Maybe you should've joined TVB as an actor instead.
Executive #1: I did, I failed TVB's acting class. And I didn't have someone famous like Louis Koo backing me up like Ron did.
Executive #2: Wow, no wonder you dislike him so much.
Executive #1: Mhm. Ok, obviously don't forget our supporting actors of our grand productions Beyond and Born Rich.
Executive #2: Boy, is Lee Kwok Lun awesome in Beyond! Ram is hilarious and so sweet too! Kenneth is great too!
Executive #1: Yeah, yeah, they're amazing. One more nomination left!
Executive #2: *thinking*
Executive #1: Oh, Joel Chan in E.U.! It doesn't matter he had practically no screen time. He comes in so handy when we need someone to play a short guest appearance as an ex boyfriend and such! Let's give him this nomination to make him feel wanted!
Executive #2: Wow, great thinking!

Behind the Making of the Nominee List Satire (Best Actor & Actress)

TVB Interaction takes a behind the scenes look at what was going through the executive's minds when putting together this year's nominee list...

First off, ever wondered why TVB increased it to 15 nominees per category this year instead of the usual 10?

Executive #1: So the year is coming to an end again, eh?
Executive #2: Yep, time to round up 10 nominees for each category again.
Executive #1: Wait, I have a brilliant idea! How about we increase it to 15 nominees this year?
Executive #2: 15? That's practically everyone! There won't be any special value in a nomination anymore!
Executive #1: To them, there still is. They'll never know! We can make more artistes feel proud of themselves!
Executive #2: Oh! That's brilliant! 15 nominations it is!

Putting together Best Actor...

Executive #2: Pick the ones from the grand productions first!
Executive #1: Ok, Wayne Lai, Moses Chan, Ray Lui, Gallen Lo, and Bowie Lam.
Executive #2: Bowie was in a series this year? *scratches head*
Executive #1: Yeah, remember our latest failure The Gem of Life?
Executive #2: Oh...that! Where did we go wrong with that? A-list stars, a big budget, and multiple filming locations! What more could they ask for?
Executive #1: I know! I mean it's a little long and forgettable but still!
Executive #2: Do we really have to nominate Moses? He even bored ME in Beyond the Realm of Conscience.
Executive #1: Same here, but he's the male lead of this year's cash cow remember?
Executive #2: Fine...Ray's character in Born Rich is annoying though.
Executive #1: Nothing I can do about that.
Executive #2: Fine! Can I nominate at least one myself?
Executive #1: Whatever. Who?
Executive #2: Dayo!
Executive #1: He's not even contracted to us! Why should we award HIM?
Executive #2: And he's not going to win because of that, so just give him the darn nomination!
Executive #1: Ok, ok, calm down! How about Burning Flame 3?
Executive #2: Gosh, what was Amy Wong thinking with that sequel?
Executive #1: Who knows, but might as well nominate Wong He and Kevin. Aiy, Kevin with his 'cool, Mr. Nice Guy' roles.
Executive #2: What about Bosco?!
Executive #1: Bosco? He was supporting!
Executive #2: I know, but we can't have one of our top "siu sangs" in the supporting category! How embarrassing! And we can't afford to piss another artiste off and lose them! Look what happened to Sammul!
Executive #1: Good point! Phew, you just saved us a long scolding from our boss!
Executive #2: Thank goodness! Ok, let's go through the rest of the male leads...Michael Miu, Steven Ma, Roger Kwok, and Damien Lau.
Executive #1: We need 2 more!
Executive #2: *takes out list of 2009 TVB series* The only other series I can find is that silly "comedy" A Bride for a Ride and the one with the ridiculously long name!
Executive #1: Ew, those two series? Joe Ma and Chin Ka Lok didn't exactly give great performances!
Executive #2: Whatever, it doesn't matter! The fans can complain all they want, they can't hurt us! However, our boss can, and if we don't please him he'll scold us to no end! Do YOU want to answer to the big guy himself, Stephen Chan?
Executive #1: Stephen Chan? *shudders* No!
Executive #2: Ok, we're done with one category! Wow, Wayne doesn't have much competition this year...

On to Best Actress...

Executive #1: Want to go ahead and nominate the 3 sisters from Gem?
Executive #2: Er...sure. Actually, Ada actually gave a great performance.
Executive #1: Yeah, she did!
Executive #2: You know, TVB is really unreasonable, biased, and prejudiced sometimes.
Executive #1: *stares at him like he's crazy* Shhh! Don't let TVB hear you say that!
Executive #2: Ok fine.
Executive #1: Go through all the grand production leads again?
Executive #2: Sure, Sheren Tang, Charmaine Sheh, Tavia Yeung, Anita Yuen, Jaime Chik, and Kenix Kwok.
Executive #1: What's up with psycho and mentally unstable characters these days anyway? Kenix's Angie is nuts.
Executive #2: I know! Charmaine's Lau Sam Ho is nothing but a goody goody too.
Executive #1: I heard Catherine Tsang is supporting Sheren for the award this year.
Executive #2: No way! If it weren't for that stubborn woman Sheren wouldn't have lost to Gigi in 2004 for War and Beauty! Are you sure?
Executive #1: Pretty sure!
*A janitor passes by* : Psst! I don't think you guys should be gossiping about stuff like that! I gave a simple comment saying that Gigi is no match for Sheren when it comes to acting and here I am! My position used to be higher than you guys!
Executive #2: *shocked* Let's get back to work, quick! Stop gossiping!
Executive #1: Let's nominate Kathy as a 'welcome back' gift, even though her role wasn't anything too special.
Executive #2: With you on that one. Ok, as always Liza Wang, Myolie Wu, and Sonija Kwok.
Executive #1: Mhm. Also, Lee Sze Kei.
Executive #2: Is this woman versatile? I'm not sure. These picture perfect mommy roles are growing old.
Executive #1: Oh, stop jabbering and give me one last nominee!
Executive #2: I can't believe I'm saying this, but it looks like we have to resort to nominating a sitcom.
Executive #1: What? No! You mean Teresa Mo?!
Executive #2: Yep...
Executive #1: Ok, sure, why not.

What do you guys think of this satire of the nominee list? It was fun poking fun at all the filler and random nominees! If you like it, I'll continue it. :)

Guide to : Be a Successful HK Singer Even If You Don't Have Talent

Becoming a HK singer has never been easier with TVB Interaction's guide! Don't worry, real talent is not actually needed! Chances are, if you have talent, you'll just be one of those underrated singers struggling to get signed! Just look at Patrick Tang! He has a great voice, can compose music, and has a passion for music and yet he's stuck with no music contract. Instead, the guy signed with TVB again, a company that gives him a bunch of bad roles to play which makes the audience hate him! And who ever heard of a singer not signed with a record company? TVB Interaction presents you with a step by step guide of what to do to get signed...

Warning : This is not to be read by hypersensitive fans. It is for entertainment purposes and for if you want to have a laugh or chuckle. What I say here does not reflect my real opinion of the mentioned artiste.

#1 Become a TVB Artiste
It's ok if you don't know how to act, a majority of TVB artistes can't act these days anyway. What's another artiste in a circle of people who can't act? There are two ways to score a contract with TVB:

• Take part in a pageant, preferably Miss Hong Kong or Miss Chinese International. If you're not exceptionally attractive, don't panic. Pageant winners these days aren't actually pretty either. Wait, you're not a female? Well, I guess entering Mr. Hong Kong is good too. You should probably go spend a couple of hours in the gym first though or else you're not going to get a second look.
• Make use of any connection you have. Is your father the executive producer in TVB, like Toby Leung's father? Tell everybody that! Even a cousin's friend's father's sister-in-law's husband can work!

And whatever you do, do NOT join TVB's acting class. Do you want to wait ten years to get noticed like Tavia Yeung? I didn't think so.

#2 Appear in a Couple Series

Congratulations! You've made it to the second step. Told you it's easy! By now, TVB has probably been handing you main and supporting roles. Good for you! For the next year or so, make do with the precious roles you get.

#3 Sing the Theme or Sub theme Song of a Series

Unless you've been living under a rock for the last TVB decade, you know that a majority of theme/sub theme songs are now sung by the artistes in that series. It's then where you are practically required to do so at least once. You're an aspiring singer, and now you get the chance to show off your stuff! Don't worry, our clever production team can make you sound better or overpower your voice by computer effects. Have you heard Kate Tsui's music? I have, but I haven't heard her real singing voice!

#4 Be (Or at Least Pretend to Be) a Good Role Model

Remember : Celebrities are just like us! At least, that's what they claim. With that piece of information, be a good role model. There are many little girls and boys out there who want to be just like you! And if you are a drug user, gambler, womanizer, cheater, or etc, hide that. You do not need that to be reported by the tabloids. Along with hiding that, pretend you're a good role model. Put on a fake smile and walk outside with caution. Steer clear of getting gum on your shoe or anything embarrassing like that. The camera's watching!

#5 Take Part in Functions/Performances

When an artiste's popularity starts to increase they start appearing at functions or performances. This is a great chance to get publicity and exposure. If you're self conscience about your singing, try to grab the chance to perform somewhere where you can lip sync. Then again, I wouldn't worry too much about that. There are always those fans who support their idols no matter how badly they perform.

At this point, you've already done everything you can possibly do to get signed. It was a short guide wasn't it? Well, that proves how easy it is for an untalented person to become a singer in the HK music industry these days.

Satire: Guide to Creating a TVB Series, What to Include?

I randomly started thinking today about the cliched things of TVB series, as well as thinking of what to post. I've always planned on doing a post for all these cliched things, but couldn't think of how. While browsing through some blogs, I finally got an inspiration: Satire! I could write a satire 'how to' guide! I ended up writing, and this is what I got. It's my first time at attempting to write a piece of satire, so be truthful but not too harsh. xD





The 'How to Guide to Creating a TVB Series'! Are you an ambitious writer who wants to make it big by writing screenplays for TVB? No problem! With TVB Interaction's simple guide, you can be on your way to writing for Asia's most cliched television company, at the same time as not needing to put forth any extra effort!


1. Use different shots of Hong Kong itself as the first scene of a series. It gives us a way to open the first episode without needing to scratch our heads giving it extra thought. Plus, you get to show off all the tall buildings they have in Hong Kong!

2. Always make the main couple "rival lovers." Instead of properly developing the couple's relationship, we can just have them at each other's throats yelling and screaming until the last one or two episodes. Then, we can let them suddenly 'fall in love' with each other and live happily ever after.

3. Toss in a love triangle, the more annoying and ridiculous the better! Give them a lot of screen time, no matter how irritating or unnecessary it is to the plot. If that gets to the point of being pathetic even to TVB, spice things up a bit by making it a love quadrangle!

4. Always have the elevator break down in the middle of a situation. No, elevators don't have that many malfunctions when trying to get people from floor to floor, otherwise the people of Hong Kong would be suing like crazy. However, it is a simply and silly way of trapping two people.

5. Don't bother keeping things 'fresh' by pairing up new couples or cast ensembles. If they like the Linda and Steven pairing, pair them up: again, and again, and again. If they like the Heart of Greed cast, recast them in every other grand production!

6. Promote a talentless but pretty faced newbie and give them every lead role possible. Yes, they suck at acting, but it's just because they're new! But almost everyone can improve. That's why we want to make them work like crazy by casting them in every series possible: so we can speed the process up a bit.

7. Remember, no matter how evil a person is, they have to turn into good again. There is no such thing as a 100% evil person. Just look the villians from Heart of Greed and Moonlight Resonance. Was there a logical reason for Sau Kam, Ah Hung, or Ka Mei turning 'good' again? No, but in TV land, everyone and everything has to have a happy ending.

8. No matter how good (or bad) the series is, the ending has to be bad (or worse). Make it as atrocious as you can. There are 3 options:

a) Make it a happy, unrealistic, and rushed ending. It doesn't matter how many things have gone wrong, because everything will be ok again somehow and we'll have a happy ending in the last 10 minutes or so!

b) Kill someone off, and make it as sad as possible. Always kill a major and beloved character, that'll bring in ratings and make the audience shed buckets of tears. Do this every so often so that everyone will stop complaining about 'happy endings.'

c) Who cares how you end it? Just write down anything! The audience will get over it, but if the complaints start to overflow TVB City, you can just film an alternate ending like D.I.E.! It may cause confusion, but so what?!