I randomly started thinking today about the cliched things of TVB series, as well as thinking of what to post. I've always planned on doing a post for all these cliched things, but couldn't think of how. While browsing through some blogs, I finally got an inspiration: Satire! I could write a satire 'how to' guide! I ended up writing, and this is what I got. It's my first time at attempting to write a piece of satire, so be truthful but not too harsh. xD
The 'How to Guide to Creating a TVB Series'! Are you an ambitious writer who wants to make it big by writing screenplays for TVB? No problem! With TVB Interaction's simple guide, you can be on your way to writing for Asia's most cliched television company, at the same time as not needing to put forth any extra effort!
1. Use different shots of Hong Kong itself as the first scene of a series. It gives us a way to open the first episode without needing to scratch our heads giving it extra thought. Plus, you get to show off all the tall buildings they have in Hong Kong!
2. Always make the main couple "rival lovers." Instead of properly developing the couple's relationship, we can just have them at each other's throats yelling and screaming until the last one or two episodes. Then, we can let them suddenly 'fall in love' with each other and live happily ever after.
3. Toss in a love triangle, the more annoying and ridiculous the better! Give them a lot of screen time, no matter how irritating or unnecessary it is to the plot. If that gets to the point of being pathetic even to TVB, spice things up a bit by making it a love quadrangle!
4. Always have the elevator break down in the middle of a situation. No, elevators don't have that many malfunctions when trying to get people from floor to floor, otherwise the people of Hong Kong would be suing like crazy. However, it is a simply and silly way of trapping two people.
5. Don't bother keeping things 'fresh' by pairing up new couples or cast ensembles. If they like the Linda and Steven pairing, pair them up: again, and again, and again. If they like the Heart of Greed cast, recast them in every other grand production!
6. Promote a talentless but pretty faced newbie and give them every lead role possible. Yes, they suck at acting, but it's just because they're new! But almost everyone can improve. That's why we want to make them work like crazy by casting them in every series possible: so we can speed the process up a bit.
7. Remember, no matter how evil a person is, they have to turn into good again. There is no such thing as a 100% evil person. Just look the villians from Heart of Greed and Moonlight Resonance. Was there a logical reason for Sau Kam, Ah Hung, or Ka Mei turning 'good' again? No, but in TV land, everyone and everything has to have a happy ending.
8. No matter how good (or bad) the series is, the ending has to be bad (or worse). Make it as atrocious as you can. There are 3 options:
a) Make it a happy, unrealistic, and rushed ending. It doesn't matter how many things have gone wrong, because everything will be ok again somehow and we'll have a happy ending in the last 10 minutes or so!
b) Kill someone off, and make it as sad as possible. Always kill a major and beloved character, that'll bring in ratings and make the audience shed buckets of tears. Do this every so often so that everyone will stop complaining about 'happy endings.'
c) Who cares how you end it? Just write down anything! The audience will get over it, but if the complaints start to overflow TVB City, you can just film an alternate ending like D.I.E.! It may cause confusion, but so what?!