Saturday, November 14, 2009

Guide to : Be a Successful HK Singer Even If You Don't Have Talent

Becoming a HK singer has never been easier with TVB Interaction's guide! Don't worry, real talent is not actually needed! Chances are, if you have talent, you'll just be one of those underrated singers struggling to get signed! Just look at Patrick Tang! He has a great voice, can compose music, and has a passion for music and yet he's stuck with no music contract. Instead, the guy signed with TVB again, a company that gives him a bunch of bad roles to play which makes the audience hate him! And who ever heard of a singer not signed with a record company? TVB Interaction presents you with a step by step guide of what to do to get signed...

Warning : This is not to be read by hypersensitive fans. It is for entertainment purposes and for if you want to have a laugh or chuckle. What I say here does not reflect my real opinion of the mentioned artiste.

#1 Become a TVB Artiste
It's ok if you don't know how to act, a majority of TVB artistes can't act these days anyway. What's another artiste in a circle of people who can't act? There are two ways to score a contract with TVB:

  • Take part in a pageant, preferably Miss Hong Kong or Miss Chinese International. If you're not exceptionally attractive, don't panic. Pageant winners these days aren't actually pretty either. Wait, you're not a female? Well, I guess entering Mr. Hong Kong is good too. You should probably go spend a couple of hours in the gym first though or else you're not going to get a second look.
  • Make use of any connection you have. Is your father the executive producer in TVB, like Toby Leung's father? Tell everybody that! Even a cousin's friend's father's sister-in-law's husband can work!

And whatever you do, do NOT join TVB's acting class. Do you want to wait ten years to get noticed like Tavia Yeung? I didn't think so.

#2 Appear in a Couple Series

Congratulations! You've made it to the second step. Told you it's easy! By now, TVB has probably been handing you main and supporting roles. Good for you! For the next year or so, make do with the precious roles you get.

#3 Sing the Theme or Sub theme Song of a Series

Unless you've been living under a rock for the last TVB decade, you know that a majority of theme/sub theme songs are now sung by the artistes in that series. It's then where you are practically required to do so at least once. You're an aspiring singer, and now you get the chance to show off your stuff! Don't worry, our clever production team can make you sound better or overpower your voice by computer effects. Have you heard Kate Tsui's music? I have, but I haven't heard her real singing voice!

#4 Be (Or at Least Pretend to Be) a Good Role Model

Remember : Celebrities are just like us! At least, that's what they claim. With that piece of information, be a good role model. There are many little girls and boys out there who want to be just like you! And if you are a drug user, gambler, womanizer, cheater, or etc, hide that. You do not need that to be reported by the tabloids. Along with hiding that, pretend you're a good role model. Put on a fake smile and walk outside with caution. Steer clear of getting gum on your shoe or anything embarrassing like that. The camera's watching!

#5 Take Part in Functions/Performances

When an artiste's popularity starts to increase they start appearing at functions or performances. This is a great chance to get publicity and exposure. If you're self conscience about your singing, try to grab the chance to perform somewhere where you can lip sync. Then again, I wouldn't worry too much about that. There are always those fans who support their idols no matter how badly they perform.

At this point, you've already done everything you can possibly do to get signed. It was a short guide wasn't it? Well, that proves how easy it is for an untalented person to become a singer in the HK music industry these days.


  1. A much shorter satire/post than usual. Then again, it proves how easy it is for someone with not much talent to make it big. Of course, the HK music industry isn't totally dead. Thank goodness for singers like Kay Tse, Miriam Yeung, G.E.M., Kary Ng, Patrick Tang, Raymond Lam, Eric Suen, Andy Hui, and so on.

    Honestly, most TVB artistes can sing. It's just a matter of whether or not they can sing WELL. I don't mind them singing the theme/subtheme cuz it helps add that personal touch to a series. Getting a music contract to become a real singer is a whole different matter. The only people who deserve their contracts right now is Raymond, Myolie, and Linda. Why Bosco and Kate were ever signed are beyond me. I really wish Sammul would get signed because he's a great singer. Not being signed with TVB, chances of that are zero. As for Patrick Tang, since he's so unfavored by the audience as an actor and so underpromoted as a singer, his chances of getting signed with another company are very small.

  2. hey Iris!

    this post was really quite amusing! i'm not really a big fan of satires, but yours was pretty funny :D

    i don't feel much for Myolie's singing. maybe it's because of the style of music she showcased in her album, but i much prefer her singing ballads. her War and Destiny theme was full of emotions and showed the best parts of her range.
    Raymond and Linda have great voices; i'm very pleased that they are signed as singers, but this results in them having less time to film series, and that's quite sad.
    as for Kate, you know what i think of her. but i must admit that her acting has improved a lot, but the same can't be said about her singing. as for Bosco, he's a very average singer. i enjoyed his Au Revoir Shanghai and The Price of Greed theme songs, but these days, he's kinda lost his 'shine'.
    even if Patrick goes full-time into music, i don't think he'll be that successful. it's really sad, 'cos he's not a bad actor, and he has a good voice; but too many horrible roles have taken a toil on his career, especially the case in winning audiences' hearts - no wayy. :(
    ugh. i don't seem to make sense. hope you can kinda understand what i'm roughly trying to say? XD

  3. krystal - Aw! I'm glad you enjoyed my satire even though you're not a big fan of them. That comment made my day! :) Myolie's music doesn't show her vocal range, true. But she was amazing in the theme for War and Destiny! Well, I guess it's either one or the other, it's kind of hard to do both at once especially since they're both popular TVB artistes and singers. I find it ridiculous Kate is signed as a singer just when she's started to improve. She's barely reached the average acting level and now she wants to advance to the next thing? I just don't find anything special about Bosco's singing, it feels so 'raw.' I realize Patrick wouldn't be successful if he was a full time singer. :( So I don't know if he's still signed with them but when he released his last album he was with Universal Music Group HK. Considering it's such a big and popular company with so many popular artistes like Kay, Eric, and etc it's no wonder he's overlooked and underpromoted. Also, he's not a pretty female singer or handsome male singer. (Though I find his goofiness and shyness pretty adorable/cute) It's really sad how people hate an actor/actress not realizing that it's the role's problem and not their acting abilities. That was the point I was trying to make in my 'Double Dose of Natalie Tong' post. His character in Threshold was very mature and likable but by that time it was too late and the audience was already sick of watching him and didn't have any interest in watching another series with him. Haha, that's ok, I understand what you're trying to say. :)

  4. :)
    yes, more music from Raymond means we'll see less of him in series. that's sad :(
    yea, Bosco's singing is pretty 'raw', but he's got pretty good songs, i think - i meant when he was singing TVB themes; which he hasn't been doing for a while already~
    well... Steven Ma, Kevin Cheng all released albums, but they're focused on acting. as for Patrick, he's been appearing in many series, but he just doesn't have a big fanbase, and that's sad. for a good voice like his to be neglected is even sadder :(
    i enjoyed your post on Natalie! even though yellow words on white background in your ARTICLES page were pretty tough to read...

  5. krystal - At least so far we have Shall We State the Case, really looking forward to that! Growing Through Life will start filming sometime next year. More music and also focusing on movies...oh gosh he doesn't plan on being the second Louis Koo is he? Leaving TVB to focus on movies?

    In general I don't think Bosco should be a singer, but I don't mind him singing themes/subthemes.

    For someone who's been with TVB for almost 10 years, Patrick is one of the least favored artistes with a very small fanbase. Meh, very sad. I love his voice, his music feels very soothing to listen to. :)

    Glad you enjoyed my post on Natalie. :) Huh? I thought my background is purple? I thought the only place it appears white is on my iPod Touch for some reason. What server do you use?

  6. i'm looking forward to Shall We State the Case too - there's Tavia too! :)
    oh no, i really hope not! i don't watch many movies, i think series are so much better!! :D

    thanks for your recommendations for Patrick's songs. i'm enjoying them all! :)

    nope, your background on Safari and Firefox are all white...

  7. This post is cute. I enjoyed reading it and totally agree that many singers do not have talent these days. I've been following Patrick's music for a long time now and I'm so happy that someone else recognizes his hard work. I think Patrick has a great voice and deserves more recognition in singing and should just leave acting behind.

    It's even worse when you talk about TVB artists becoming singers. Of all those who have done so, the only one who was successful is Raymond. Myolie's voice is okay too, she just has to work on her pitching. As for people like Linda, Kate, Bosco and who knows who else, they should just stop. Okay, I think I should stop bashing people now haha.

  8. Vivien - I'm glad you enjoyed it! I've read your about page saying how one of your favorite singers is Patrick, I smiled reading that. :) He has a great voice, it's soothing to listen to. I don't get why people dislike Patrick so much as an actor, he's not great but I've seen MUCH worse. Even if he left acting behind and commited to singing, like krystal said, it still wouldn't work out well. He'd still get no recognition.

    Myolie has a good voice (like we heard in the War and Desitny theme)but she needs to work on her live singing. Her songs don't show her range either. Linda's slowly improving so I don't mind her too much. Kate and Bosco...ugh.

    Yeah, I'll stop bashing now too. :)